What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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