First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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