I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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