Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
