if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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