Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
