seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
