ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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