Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
