if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
