Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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