She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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