i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
