I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
