she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
