I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
