I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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