Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
