we're blogging at a bar
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
