i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
