what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have fence marks all over my body
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
