If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got inside last night via doggy door
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
