Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
