she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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