I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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