Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
