When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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