im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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