in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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