They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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