therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Damn victory sex feels great
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
