so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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