he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
