Plan B is the new Plan A
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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