You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
