Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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