Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
