Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
