so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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