ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
