So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
