What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She told me I should be a condom model.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
