You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
