I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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