I met the friendliest cop last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize