I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
