i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
