Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
