Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
