Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He passed out mid-signature
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
