is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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