So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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