the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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