I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
