Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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