he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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