it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
