I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
