We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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