i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
