And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
