You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
