I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
