Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
